1  On Daughter's Marriage, rev.1 이선호 548 2005-09-27


On Daughter's Marriage

By Lee Sun-ho
After I handed over my daughter to her bridegroom at her wedding ceremony in late August, I have, from time to time, been asked three questions by a number of associates, colleagues and neighbors.

One is a customary question: ``Don’t you feel empty-minded and melancholy over the departure of your one and only daughter whom you have taken care of and raised for the span of the last three decades?’’ My answer is outspokenly simple: ``Absolutely, not. I rather feel brisk and joyous. I need to tender my new son-in-law a sense of appreciation for taking her from the home of her parents. I have been concerned about the prolonged delay of her marriage, in line with her devotion to a foreign securities company in Seoul day and night.’’

Candidly, I welcome my daughter’s marriage at the age of 30, and desire a happy union with her spouse like horse and carriage. Two are obviously better than one, because they have a good reward for their joint and composite life endeavor, being fruitful and multiple, as Adam and Eve have been told.

Another is a specific inquiry: ``Aren’t you awkward and embarrassed with your counterpart-in-law, who happens to be your college classmate at your alma mater more than four decades ago, and has maintained a similar professional career at a state-run banking institution until retirement and beyond?’’ My answer is rather straightforward and easy: ``I feel very comfortable and cozy owing to the peculiar relationship with him. The consistent educational background and similar social career between the two fathers-in-law are of a wishful element for the promotion of mutual understanding of each family’s status.’’

As the wedding officiator (churye) who taught the two fathers-in-law at college commented in his congratulatory address at the ceremony, the marriage, arranged by a go-between woman who knows both families of the bride and the groom well, contains many similarities among members of each family, aside from those of the two fathers. The two mothers-in-law have the same ancestral family name in Chinese characters, only being distant in kinship. More than anything else, the bride and the groom, the churye stressed, are a well-matched couple preordained by Providence, in view of many common features of them: (1) same majors at school (business administration), (2) their current jobs at Seoul networks of different foreign companies (securities and consulting, respectively), (3) same first name in Chinese characters, and (4) being born as the last child of each family.

A third question is somewhat cautious and delicate to give an impromptu reply: ``What are the life guidelines and instructions you can offer your just-wed daughter hereafter, upon her vacating the nest under your protection for the last three decades?’’ I may answer insightfully: ``It’s up to her principle of a married life aiming at harvestable rewards with success. True, her happiness depends far more on what she does than on what anyone else does. No matter the current situation her marriage is, she must improve her fortune by herself. Taking responsibility, she can grow and can build a truly blessed marriage. She who sows much reaps much in the bosom of a new good family.’’

By the same token, I would recommend my daughter as well as my son-in-law to read and appreciate the parables ``on marriage’’ written in 1923 by Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) among his famous poems named ``The Prophet,’’ which I happened to find through the Internet. Some quotations that impressed me are as follows: ``(1) You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore…. But let there be spaces in your togetherness…. (2) Love one another but make not a bond of love….Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf….(3) Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping….And stand together, yet not too near together….’’

With a heartfelt sense of gratitude to those who congratulated me on my daughter’s wedding in one way or another, I earnestly wish that the just-married couple unites and lives well in matrimony with positive loving care and optimistic mutual understanding. I may share in her sufferings in order that I may share in her glory in the process of forming her private family in the foreseeable future. Yet any fragment of life’s hearts and souls of the new couple dwell in the house of tomorrow, which I cannot visit, not even in my dreams, since her newly-wed life of making a sweet home with wisdom, harmony and foresight, goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

The writer is an outside director of Kukdong Oil & Chemicals Co., Ltd. in Yangsan City, South Kyongsang Province.



kexim2@unitel.co.kr

09-25-2005 20:54

- 국문요약 -

* 딸을 시집 보낸후 주위사람들의 3가지 질의에 대한 응답

Q1: 매우 허전하고 서운하지 않은가?

A1: 혼사가 더 늦어지지 않아 아주 시원하고 즐거우며 사위한테 고맙게 생각한다.
보충: 두 사람이 합심하여 생활함이 혼자 사는것 보다 더 바람직하게 여겨진다.

Q2: 대학동기동창이며 유사한 금웅기관 근무경력을 가진 친구끼리 사돈을 맺게되어 거북하지
않은가?

A2: 바깥 사돈끼리 비슷한 입장이라 오히려 양가끼리 서로 이해하는데 도움이 될것이다.
보충: 주례 선생님 (바깥 사돈들의 은사)의 말씀대로, 안 사돈 끼리 동성동본 이고, 신랑과 신부가 서로 유사점 (전공분야, 외국회사근무, 같은 돌림자, 막내로 태생)이 많아 천생연분으로 보인다.

Q3: 결혼한 딸에게 내릴 수 있는 생활지침은 없는지? 있다면 어떤 내용인지?

A3: 성공적인 결혼생활은 신부 스스로의 판단하에 현명하게 잘 처신하기에 달려있다고 본다.
보충: 딸과 사위에게 유명한 시인 Kahlil Gibran이 1923년에쓴 "on marriage"라는 비유담 (together라는 문구가 많이 들어있음)을 읽어보도록 권유하고 싶다.

* 딸의 혼사를 축하해주신 많은 하객님들께 감사의 뜻을 전하면서, 신혼생활이 적극적인 사랑과 낙관적인 이해로 시작되길 바란다. 신랑과 신부의 행복한 결혼생활을 슬기, 화합, 선견으로
꾸며 나갈 수 있는 과제는 어느 부분도 과거로 돌이키거나 다른사람들이 관여할 수도 없는 불가침의 신혼부부 고유의 미래영역으로로 여겨진다.
Gil S.Kim It is a very interestin writing to read about your frame of mind upon your daughter's wedding. It seems to me that your article shows what an intelligent father should do when their children get married and start newly-married life. When my grandchildrens are ready to get married, I may attempt to make you officiate the ceremony!!!!!! 2005-09-26 X
이선호 신문사에서 글을 써 보라고하여 억지로 그려본 영작연습일세. 내가 아직 손자도 없는데 주례를 서본 적은 모두 여덟번이나 되지. 2005-09-26 X
성 명 비밀번호
내 용